


The Aftermath

by white_lilacs



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-20
Updated: 2010-07-20
Packaged: 2017-10-10 16:42:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/101887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/white_lilacs/pseuds/white_lilacs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: PC and Leliana discuss the current "state of the relationship" between Alistair and PC after Morrigan's proposal post-Landsmet.</p><p>SPOILER WARNING: Gameplay pre-final battle</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
Charlindrea sat on the cold stone tiles of the bedchamber staring at the fire in the fireplace. Soft tears stung at her eyes but she furiously blinked them away, willing her heart to harden against her pain. Her heart ached as if it would burst and her limbs felt weak and tired as if she had been in a full battle today rather than what amounted to a skirmish. But the battle was still ahead of her. The battle for… well, everything, really. For life itself and life as she knew it.

It had not been more than an hour since she’d left Alistair’s presence chamber, telling him of Morrigan’s proposal.

“Morrigan – that filthy witch. That opportunist, demon-spawned, Maker-forsaken witch whore!”

Charlindrea’s temper burned hot and quick when it emerged, and the fact that her Alistair would lie with that … woman…

Her heart still ached and her eyes burned with unshed tears from what had happened earlier with Alistair. This entire time, she had believed she would be doing what was right – for Ferelden (which she cared little for, considering the way her people were treated by its inhabitants), for the Gray Wardens, for Alistair, for the future. In her haste to do what she thought may be right, she now feared she may have destroyed her only chance of happiness. The mere chance of this made her wish to drown in her own sorrows.

Alistair – _her_ Alistair – had turned her aside. He had turned her aside for what he viewed as his duty as King – to produce an heir. Charlindrea felt sick to her stomach that the things the two of them had shared – the stolen kisses, stolen nights, tears of anguish and grief, secret smiles, and yes – the pleasures of flesh – could be reduced to simply the need to “create an heir.” Bitterly, Charlindrea wondered if whoever he chose for a wife would give him a child – a child with soft and tender eyes like his father – or if the taint present in one Gray Warden would be enough to make “creating an heir” impossible.

Stubbornly, Charlindrea scrubbed a hand across her eyes. Evidently the blinking back her tears was not working.

As much as Charlindrea wanted to hate him she couldn’t bring herself to do it. As much as Charlindrea wanted to slap his face, scream her anger and loss, tear his hair from his head, and scratch his eyes out, she could not bring herself to.

“I’m so ridiculously besotted I’ve turned into an utter fool,” she muttered to herself. “I can’t believe I did it…”

“What was it that you did?” a small, melodic voice behind her asked.

Charlindrea turned to see Leliana walking up behind her and settling herself cross-legged next to Charlindrea in front of the fire. The two young women had come from very different lives, even if their skills with blade and bow were similar, but they had formed a fast friendship despite their differing views on the world.

Charlindrea laughed wryly, “I convinced Alistair to lie with Morrigan so she could have a half-Gray Warden child.”

Leliana blinked once, twice, a third time. “I can not believe it either.”

Charlindrea’s tears finally started flowing as the words rushed out of her. “It was the only way! A Gray Warden _must_ die – must sacrifice themself tomorrow - and I won’t let my life end without fixing this thing with Alistair and I won’t let Alistair die, but if Morrigan carries his child neither one of us must die – she will go off to wherever rank pit of filth she deserves to live in and…”

She could not go on. Her sobs seemed to be pulled from the very depths of her being and her entire body shook as tears flowed steadily down her face.

Leliana touched her arm gently. “… and you plan to show Alistair that he was wrong in his decision?”

Charlindrea was immediately defensive. “He _was_ wrong in his decision! Who’s to say that he could have a child with anyone!? My people are just as much a part of this land as the humans are, why couldn’t his heir be half elfin? And even with the taint, I may live longer than any human wife – my people are long lived! He’s just being stupid man-stubborn!” Charlindrea’s tears started to flow once again and her voice broke. “I… I must show him that … that he’s wrong…” Her voice, if not the words, said that her very life might depend on her ability to do just that.

Leliana wrapped her arms around her friend in an embrace and pulled her close, easing Charlindrea’s head down to rest on her shoulder. “Tears are The Maker’s way to cleanse our hearts, dear friend. Cry, if that will ease your sorrow.” Leliana began to hum a soft song – bitter sweet and almost a lullaby. Charlindrea did not recognize the melody, but listening to it calmed her. After nearly an hour of soft and quiet sobs, she lifted her head.

“He was the … the only one … ever … never before, I mean. And now?” Charlindrea looked at Leliana in a considering way. “Are there elves in the Chantry?”

Leliana’s laugh was warm and deep. “I do not believe so, my friend.”

“I mean, there’s no other man I could ever want. And no man would want me. The only reason Alistair wanted me was because he felt close to me because we were the only ones of us left…”

“Nonesense,” Leliana’s smile was genuine.

“Well, being told you aren’t good enough to have your lover’s child really sort of hits your self-image,” Charlindrea’s voice was half serious and half mocking.

Leliana tilted her head to one side and looked at Charlindrea in a considering way. She reached out her hands to take her friend’s hands in hers and smiled warmly at her. “Close your eyes.”

Charlindrea shrugged and complied.

“Now keep your eyes closed. Promise me.”

Charlindrea frowned slightly, “Why?”

“Just trust me. Keep your eyes closed.”

There had been a time when Charlindrea would not have trusted another not of her clan this much, but the months had shaped her and she did trust her friend. She nodded in agreement.

There was only a short moment of pause before Charlindrea felt Leliana lean toward her. Leliana’s breath whispered softly against her lips and the next heartbeat her lips pressed softly against hers. Her kiss – Maker! Her kiss! - was soft, sweet, and at first Charlindrea was startled enough to nearly jump back. Leliana reached one hand – her fingertips were so soft! – to Charlindrea’s face, brushing her hair back from her cheek. The kiss lasted two, perhaps three heartbeats before Leliana slowly pulled back – sealing the kiss rather than breaking it.

Charlindrea’s eyes opened slowly and she sat looking at her friend, blinking slowly.

“What was… no. Why did you…?”

A soft smile warmed Leliana’s face and made her eyes sparkle with merriment. “To remind you that you can be – and will be – and,” she paused. “Perhaps you even are desired.”

A small frown continued to paint Charlindrea’s face until she looked closely into her friend’s eyes. Within those eyes, she was surprised to see something similar to what she had seen in Alistair’s – desire. Nervously, she lifted her hand to Leliana’s shoulder and pulled the two of them closer until her lips brushed the other woman’s again. This time, her body did not jump from surprise, but from a familiar warm feeling rising from the depths of her and a shiver ran down her spine. Charlindrea let the kiss linger, not knowing precisely what she was feeling, but aching for a connection and closeness. Aching for a connection of warmth and comfort in the cold, hard darkness that had seeped into her heart.

Charlindrea bit her lower lip when she reluctantly ended the kiss. “I don’t know… I mean, I want… um…”

Leliana smiled warmly and knowingly. “I would ask only for what you are ready to give, my friend. You must understand – I’ve admired you and your Alistair from afar from the day we met, but would never poach another’s lover. It would be wrong of me not to tell you, I think, but we can talk about it more another day and in another time.”

“Would you… would you like to sleep here? I mean, just sleep here? So that we are near in the morning?” Charlindrea was uncertain exactly what she was asking for. She knew she was not ready for an intimate romp with this woman she had always viewed as a friend and now was starting to recognize could be … something else. However, she also knew she wanted to be close to her in some manner.

Leliana smiled again, the emotion touching her eyes again and bringing that sparkle that made her gaze magnetic at times. “So long as you do not steal my blankets from me in the night. It is cold this time of year in Ferelden…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PC and Leliana comfort one another during a time of desperation for contact with living and joyful existence.
> 
> SPOILER WARNING: Gameplay pre-final battle

Charlindrea woke in the morning with a sense of imposing dread – the nightmares had been especially bad that evening. The feeling of the taint within her swelled for a moment before she consciously slammed it down – out of habit for the most part. As disconcerting the feeling was, she was more accustomed to it than she cared to admit. Charlindrea turned on her side and gave a little jump when she realized that Leliana was already awake and … watching her?

“You thrashed and mumbled in your sleep,” Leliana’s voice held concern and even a bit of worry.

“Sometimes I have bad dreams,” Charlindrea began to explain. Alistair told me-“ she cleared her throat. “Alistair,” There! I said his name without breaking down! “He told me it was because of the taint. It makes me have dreams of darkspawn – especially since it’s a blight.”

Leliana reached her hand out to brush a lock of Charlindrea’s hair away from her face – a simple, innocent and caring gesture, but Charlindrea grabbed the other woman’s wrist. “There’s so much death. I don’t want any more of it – the death, the killing – all of it. I want love and joy and the summer breeze in my hair.” Charlindrea’s grip grew as if the other woman held these things and could be convinced to give them to her.

Her own hair seemed to be in complete order – how did she do that? Charlindrea wondered – but Leliana ran her fingers through her own hair as if looking for the words she wanted. “The death, the killing, and the other – they are necessary and a part of your destiny as a Gray Warden – but only a part. They need not be everything in your life.”  
~~~~  
Leliana knew she must be gentle and careful with this. She walked a careful line and she knew it was a narrow line at that. Laying next to Charlindrea the evening before doing nothing but listening to the sound of her breaths and anxious mumbling had been nearly torturous. Leliana had been so overcome by the woman’s kiss that she thought she would not be able to control herself. She had, with the grace of The Maker, controlled her impulses to press her body against the other woman’s – and prevent from succumbing to the urge to let her hands touch and explore.

The human woman lifted her fingertips to the other woman’s lips, tracing them delicately with her index fingernail and then brushing her thumb across the elf’s full lips. “Why would The Maker give us the ability to feel pleasure and joy if he did not want us to make full use of it? Even in the middle of chaos, sorrow, killing and death?”  
~~~~  
Charlindrea’s mind was spinning and she had no idea where, when, or on whom it would pause or stop. Charlindrea simply stared at Leliana, uncertain what to make of her statements. Was Leliana offering, asking, or simply sharing an observation? The moment stretched until it became uncomfortable and Leliana smiled sweetly - was that disappointment in her eyes? – and made a move to wrap a blanket around her to rise from the bed. Charlindrea, unaware of what she was doing before it was done reached out to her to pull her back down to the bed.

“Don’t go?” The words came softly – a cross between a statement and a question. “Please … don’t go?”

Leliana’s eyebrows rose and a small smile quirked at the corners of her mouth. After a moment, her face grew serious. “You are certain?”

Charlindrea nodded her head, her heart pounding as if it would escape her chest. Urgently, she moved closer to Leliana and pressed her lips to the other woman’s, breaking the kiss only to murmur desperately “Don’t go… don’t go… don’t go…”

Both women had slept in little more than small clothes and between desperate kisses and roaming hands, the clothing was abandoned quickly. The sight of the other woman unclothed was nothing particularly new to either of them – necessity often meant sharing a room for a bath or other such matters, but naturally this was far different. Charlindrea found herself wanting to study the other woman – the soft curve of her breast, her long, slim legs, even her feet seemed new and somehow sensual to her. Eager and curious hands began to slowly explore the rounded curves of Leliana’s form. Almost totally innocent before she and spent her first night with Alistair, she knew little of such matters – even exactly what could or should happen between two woman – but she let her knowledge of her own body guide her.

Charlindrea paused for a moment, uncertain of how to say the words in her head. Again, her voice came as a harsh whisper. “What do you w- … what should I … How do…?”  
~~~~~  
Leliana smiled slightly, amused by Charlindrea’s stumbles. Eventually putting the poor elven woman out of her tortured indecision, Leliana gently pushed the other woman’s shoulders to the mattress. “Lay back. I’ll show you.”

Leliana leaned forward and settled on her ankles with her head resting in Charlindrea’s lap. A familiar stirring at the woman’s breath so close to directly between her legs made Charlindrea’s eyes pop and her body shiver with anticipation. The first soft kiss to her nether lips shocked her to her foundation. “Maker! Leliana, what are you doing?! You couldn’t possibly … I mean … Maker!”

The other woman couldn’t help but laugh at Charlindrea’s naiveté. The sounds that couldn’t help but be overheard - well, maybe she had tried to overhear – made it sound as if there was no sport left unexplored for this woman. However it seemed sounds could be deceiving.

“Charlindrea, I told you I would show you… now let me do that,” Leliana’s voice was still amused and a smirk crossed her mouth. “You will enjoy it I think.”

Not waiting for an answer, Leliana again lowered her lips to between Charlindrea’s legs. She began with soft and gentle kisses, breathing in her sweet smell. When she felt Charlindrea’s muscles relax somewhat, she let her tongue explore and taste requiring another small reassurance for Charlindrea. Leliana’s lips and tongue parted Charlindrea and the smallest bit of exploration let her find the center of the other woman’s pleasure. Leliana cycled through soft tickling laps of her tongue, gentle nips with her teeth, gentle sucking, and long, languid movements of her tongue across the small and intimate bit of flesh. In a half-daze, Leliana recognized the feelings of hands exploring her body and even seeming to urge her to continue.

At first Leliana did not hear the soft whispers of the other woman. She hardly recognized the feeling of her hands attempting to pull her close. “Let me… oh by The Maker, don’t make me wait!” The hands, Leliana realized, were attempting to pull her on top of the other woman – head to feet. Leliana’s initial instinct – to go slowly and carefully – was quickly abandoned in a rush of desire.  
~~~~  
Charlindrea stumbled forward, with little care if she should fall. This miraculous woman had opened her eyes to something so wonderfully sensual she had no idea how to repay her. Unless…

With Leliana’s new position with her hips over Charlindrea’s head, she could easily breathe in the scent of her. Charlindrea took slow, deep breaths and then even realized that this could arouse the woman over her as the breath whispered over her sensitive skin. Unable to withhold herself longer, Charlindrea reached up to the other woman’s hips and pulled herself up to meet her hungrily. What she did not know, she stumbled for and what she discovered was a feeling of joy and rapture that she thought she had lost forever. To offer this pleasure to another and to let herself feel joy this deeply – perhaps Leliana was correct that it was a gift from The Maker.

Shudders of pleasure wracked both women within moments of each other and the wordless screams of rapture were silenced only with renewed attention to the other woman’s body. Charlindrea wondered in bliss if it would continue to the end of time – but both woman grew weak from the pleasure eventually and collapsed into a mass of limbs, flowing hair, bodies and soft kisses.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the evening of The Dark Ritual where Charlindrea takes comfort in Leliana's embrace, she confronts Alistair during preparations for The Final Battle.

Charlindrea blinked slowly, her body seeming to come back to her after abandoning her to lust and wickedly sensual exploration. Her limbs, some of them still feeling as if they tingled delightfully, were twined with Leliana’s as her breathing returned slowly to normal. A delightful shiver moved down Charlindrea’s spine and she settled herself close to Leliana, resting her head on the other woman’s midsection and listening to her breathing. Leliana’s fingers twined lazily through the elven woman’s hair and both woman sighed contentedly.

Charlindrea was the first to lift her head and prop herself up on an elbow. “Leliana? How did you learn… I mean, it isn’t something you just think to try out one day I would think.”

Leliana looked a little confused for a moment, then chuckled softly. “Now if I told you all of my secrets, I would cease to be mysterious and alluring, no?” Leliana shook her head good naturedly. “A story for some other time, I think. Because as much as I enjoy you,” Leliana’s fingers brushed against Charlindrea’s leg, “You and the rest of us have other things to accomplish today, do we not?”

Charlindrea’s heart felt heavy at the mention of the coming battle. It had been wonderful to lounge her day away and forget the troubles of the world, but she knew that was not really an option. “I suppose we do,” Charlindrea replied. “And as much as I regret it, that means we have to get up and get ourselves dressed.”

~~~

“Oh no, I don’t think so. It’s my duty to be there!”

Charlindrea snorted indignantly. “Excuse me, _Your Majesty_,” she filled the words with every bit of scorn she could muster. “But your duty is to your crown. And as you have already told me, to produce an heir. His Royal Majesty can hardly do that dead. You will not be in the fight with the archdemon.”

Alistair looked stricken, even hurt. Charlindrea turned the coldest gaze she could muster at her fellow Grey Warden. Inside, she ached with a mixture of pure besotted adoration, anger at his abandonment of that love, and fear for his life. Coldly, she shoved the emotions down and looked at the rest of her companions.

“Sten, Oghren, Morrigan, I apologize that I must as leader of this motley crew require you in the primary force on the attack on the archdemon. I give my word that I will do all I can to protect all of our lives, but if you have any reservations about your loyalties to this cause, I must know now.”

“Wynne, Leliana, Zevran, Alistair… I need you all to remain in reserve to come in for relief assistance where battle and skirmishes in other areas could impact our primary force…”

Charlindrea continued to issue orders, cold in her delivery. She did recognize what she had done – she ensured those who she had grown closest to during their travels would be furthest away from the final fight. Part of her recognized that it may be an abuse of power – but at this point, she hardly cared…

~~~  
“I know what you’re doing, you know,” Alistair cornered Charlindrea after the planning session while the group was gathering arms and armor. “And it’s kind and noble of you and all, but you know my duty is with you and the others. I have to see this through.”

Charlindrea rounded on her former lover with tears burning in her eyes. Her intention had been to scold him viciously – to remind him that he had no duty to her – that he had in fact decided on his own that he would leave her and her love behind. Once she turned toward him and looked into his eyes, the tears in her eyes began to flow down her cheeks despite an effort to blink them back. His deep, soft eyes that she had let herself drown in so many times reflected her own pain. “Alistair… don’t look at me that way. I have to learn to hate you or I’ll die a thousand deaths every day I’m not with you. And you can’t be in the primary battle because if you die before I learn to hate you, I’ll die a million deaths every time I weep over your grave.”

Charlindrea loosed a shaky and heavy sigh. “You may force me to let you go, but I’ll kill you myself before I let you kill me slowly like that. I’ve arranged a way for us to live through this,” she glanced at Morrigan. “And I won’t let either of our lives be wasted.”

One last pained look between the two of them – the pain of love and love slipping away – and Alistair nodded his assent.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Final Battle, Charlindrea Mahariel makes what she thinks will be her plans for the future.

Charlindrea slowly became aware of voices – seemingly from far away. She couldn’t understand what they were saying, and it seemed as if she was hearing them through water – or more correctly, mud. She attempted to sit up, to open her eyes, but her body denied her the use of her muscles to push herself up or even the ability to open her eyes. A groan of pain escaped her lips. The sounds she heard started to clear somewhat in her mind, as if someone was starting to remove cotton from her ears.

“Thank the Maker, she’s awake!” Charlindrea recognized Leliana’s voice, relief mixed with concern and Charlindrea felt the other woman’s hand smoothing her hair gently. As Charlindrea became aware of her own body, she groaned in pain. It was as if every last inch of her had been torn to pieces and stitched back into a semblance of herself again. “Ohhhh! Hurts!”

“Back up, child,” Charlindrea recognized Wynne’s grandmotherly voice and a part of her was overjoyed to hear her again. The mage had not only become a dear friend over the last months, but had bandaged more of her wounds than Charlindrea cared to think about. “What… is it… done?”

“Hush, child. Yes. It is done. Now stop chatting and let me work.”

It was the last thing Charlindrea heard before her mind blissfully slipped once again into unconsciousness.

~~~

“Will she be alright? Please! You have to help her!” Alistair was frantic as he stood behind Wynne looking down at Charlindrea’s still and bloody form. She looked so small and so vulnerable despite her armor and quiver strapped to her back (her bow lay not far from her outstretched hand). She almost looked like a child with her face strangely peaceful, but her breath came in shallow, ragged pants. Wynne’s hands moved in slow movements over Charlindrea’s body, the magic within her swelling before she directed the flow to the other woman’s wounds. When Wynne let her hands drop to her sides, Charlindrea’s breathing was easier and the visible wounds had closed, but she remained unconscious.

“Sten, please pick her up – she needs rest now, and she can’t get that in the middle of a battlefield.”

“No!” Alistair’s vehemence shocked everyone – including himself. “No. I’ll carry her.” He walked over to Charlindrea’s still form and lifted her gently in his arms, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “Let’s get out of here.”

~~~  
It was well over a week before Charlindrea was strong enough to sit up in bed. It was well over two weeks before she could leave her blankets and walk slowly in the gardens of the palace, attempting to increase her strength. In the weeks while she could do little more than sit quietly and attempt to rest, she remembered the final battle against the archdemon and her striking the final blow. The blood from the dragon seemed to burn her skin like acid and she felt the taint of the creature ooze – not into her, but through her. It seems that Morrigan, that wicked, filthy witch-whore!, had disappeared before Wynne, Zev, Leliana and Alistair had managed to get to her and the others. So – it was over. The Archdemon was dead. The Blight was averted. And she was still alive.

There were times that Charlindrea wondered if she was glad to be alive or not. She had needed to recover from wounds before, but it had never been like this. She wondered how close to death she had come, but couldn’t bring herself to ask the question of Wynne or any of her other companions. They all did come to see her from time to time – Wynne with her grandmotherly caring, Zev with his shameless flirting, Oghren with his offers of a drink or two, and even Sten who seemed for the first time the slightest bit impressed in her abilities. Leliana visited her quarters often and even without what had passed between them, Charlindrea suspected she would have done so. Alistair was, to Charlindrea’s dismay, absent. He had walked into her rooms one morning not long after she had first regained consciousness, inquired about her health, and made an awkward and hasty retreat. Charlindrea couldn’t blame him really – perhaps he was coming to hate her as she still wished she could learn to hate him.

One warm afternoon, Charlindrea was walking in the palace garden when she heard soft slippered footsteps behind her and turned to see Leliana walking up behind her. Charlindrea paused and waited for her friend to catch up to her and smiled brightly at the other woman. “It is good to see you regaining your strength,” the russet-haired woman said with a smile. “You will need it for… the party.”

Charlindrea stopped in her tracks. “The… what?”

“The party. Where you are being named the Hero of Ferelden.”

“The what? Oh by the gods, what kind of foolishness… I’m no hero of Ferelden!”

Leliana laughed. “You slew the archdemon and ended The Blight. What else should you be called if not the Hero of Ferelden?”

Charlindrea sighed. “He decided on this whole ‘Hero of Ferelden’ thing, didn’t he?”

Leliana did not need to ask who Charlindrea meant. “Of course he did,” she paused and turned the other woman to face her. “He means to name you Hero so he can find a way to prevent you from leaving Denerim. It’s as obvious as the nose on your face.”

Charlindrea grew indignant. “Prevent me from leaving? He’s no right to try to prevent me from anything! I doubt he even knows if I’m still alive – it’s not like we’ve spoken more than five words since… that day.”

“He feels he can’t keep you, but can’t stand the thought of letting you go,” Leliana smiled gently. She knew the female Grey Warden was in pain – both physically and emotionally – and she wished there was an easy way to sooth it.

“Then I’ll make it easy for him. I’ll leave. First thing in the morning,” Charlindrea’s face was cold and as expressionless as stone. “Would you be willing to let me take up that offer to go to Orlais?”

Leliana hesitated. “Are you certain this is what you want to do?”

“No. But it is what I need to do.”


End file.
